we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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