but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
