dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
