I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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