I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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