i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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