Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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