Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
