Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
