Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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