Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
