how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
