It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
