I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
