My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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