Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
