Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
