I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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