Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
