why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
