Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
