Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
