were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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