I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
