shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
