I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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