Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
