At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
