I skipped work to stalk him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
