come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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