Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
