Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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