turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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