the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
