One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
