Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
