WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
