she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
