take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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