i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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