She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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