Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
