So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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