we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
