Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
