Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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