She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
