I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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