Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
