I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
