This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
