Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
