flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
