I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
