I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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